Is the solar system a boy or a girl? Fighting clothing gender norms one t-shirt at a time.

For those that know our family personally, it should come as no surprise that we aren’t super into putting our girls in lots of pink, frilly outfits. Yes, they both wore dresses for Easter brunch, and when we have living-room-dance-parties they go straight for the tutus (their “twirling skirts”) from the dress-up box. On a day-to-day basis we try to let the older one make her own clothing choices, so long as they end up at least somewhat weather and activity appropriate. I realize that none of what I’ve said so far is particularly groundbreaking and honestly, there are plenty of articles out there already on the topic of gender social norms and children's clothing. But after a particularly frustrating shopping trip to get the girls outfitted for the warm weather ahead, I felt comepelled to broach the subject.

Enter any run of the mill kid's clothing store and you have your typical sea of pastels on one side of the store and primary colors on the other. I realize that most parents aren't typically putting their boys into skirts & dresses (although if that's the boy's preference, why not?), so perhaps for merchandising purposes there are some types of clothing that would be more likely to be purchased for a female than for a male child, thus creating a "boy" section and a "girl" section (again, not for any substantive reason than that is what society has told us to do, but there you have it)?

But a t-shirt, that sounds pretty universal right? What could possibly go wrong with the t-shirt section? And yet, for me the worst offender at these stores is always the graphic t-shirt section. Realistically, toddlers all have pretty much the same body type - rectangle (plus maybe a little Buddha belly). So why every store needs to have "boy" vs. "girl" sections for a darn t-shirt is beyond me.

My most recently infuriating shopping trip was to Carter's. As soon as you enter the store, the t-shirt display is laid out in the middle of the aisle such that you have a table of "girl" t-shirts, a divider, and then a table of "boy'" t-shirts. Although there are clearly practical reasons for choosing this layout, what they failed to account for is that this also serves as the perfect physical embodiment of extreme gender norms that get a feminist, Millenial('ish) mom like myself (along with my 1960's/1970's hippie mom who accompanied me on the trip) all agitated and writing articles about their stores on their blogs...

The basic take aways from the graphic t-shirts are pretty standard.

Girls: Smile more, be nice/love/make friends with everyone you meet, and while you might be smart/strong, be sure to cover that talent with a healthy coating of glitter and use lots of emojis or hearts, so you don't come across as too intimidating.

Boys: You are a "player", you can feel "love" towards you mom, but other than that please keep these emotions on the DL, oh, and trucks/dinosaurs/sports rule and you are good at all of them!

If the t-shirts had just stopped there I wouldn't even be writing on this topic - again, sadly, nothing out of the ordinary to see here. But then this t-shirt caught my eye (at right). Always on the look-out for space themed clothing for our budding little astronomer, I picked one up and put it in my basket. Mildly educational, clever little Pluto reference, etc. Kiddo #1 will love it! I didn't entirely understand why the planets had faces on them, but as a standalone item, nothing particularly offensive, maybe just a cute kid gimmick?

Enter, the "boy's" section.

We always peruse the boy's section for cool t-shirts too, because, well...why the hell not? If you want a dinosaur without a heart on it, or without a flower in it's hair, then let me tell you, the boy's department is for you. And lo-and-behold, just on the other side of that pesky little divider, the SAME. EXACT. T-SHIRT.

Well, almost... Apparently even the solar system struggles with having gender norms thrust upon it.

Suddenly, the "cute" little faces on the plants in my shopping bag screamed "girl" and I snatched up the "boy" version instead. As I refolded the "girl" version and put it back on the other side of the table, I realized it wasn't just the silly faces.

The planets on the "boy" version were more properly colored per scientific norms, while the "girl" version was all swirly pastels. The boy version labeled all of the planets, but the girl version had no names listed. The girl version had extra shooting stars, and of course, plenty of glitter - no such luck on the glittery stars for you boys. In addition to the smiling planets on the girl version, Earth and Venus had arms and are holding hands (remember girls, you have to make friends and show affection to everyone around you - even if you are 25.7 million miles away from them, at the closest). Of course, the "boy" version is printed on a black shirt, while the girl's shirt is white. Not only is the black more scientifically accurate in terms of outer space, but the white is terribly impractical for just about any toddler I've ever met. And of course, there is the whole "dark" vs. "light" or "bad" vs. "good" connotation of putting boys in black and girls in white clothing. Finally, there is the physical cut of the two shirts. My toddler girl is no curvier than any of her male peers, so why her t-shirts needed to be slightly fitted at the waist and arm holes is a mystery to me.

End rant.

In any case, we clearly purchased the "boy" version and just spent dinner out with the grandparents tonight discussing which planet was each person at the table's favorite. I'd say mission accomplished!

Instead of leaving this post so negative, I thought I'd add in a quick note about some of stores that ARE getting it right, or at least are doing a better job than the average retailer.

Old Navy: This one was a little surprising and admittedly has plenty of heavily gendered clothing. But I was particularly impressed by a package of girl's underwear that we purchased. Just plain colored underwear with block letters listing various professions that include, Artist, Astronaut, Ballerina, Doctor, President, Scientist, and Superhero.

H&M: When you shop online, and filter by "boys" or "girls", certain items, mostly basic/graphic tees, tennis shoes, etc., basically anything that in theory would fit your average toddler the same regardless of gender, come up under BOTH gender filters.

Princess Awesome: A wonderful American made brand that aims to "change the conversation" around girl's clothing. They feature lots of twirly dresses in patterns that are all STEM focused and still quite feminine looking if that's your thing. Oh, and they just released a line of leggings WITH POCKETS (can I get an "Amen" on this one for some adult sizes ladies)?!

Mooi Kind: Based in Cleveland, this dad run/dad made clothing brand is the epitome of gender neutral clothing. His clothes literally "have no gender" (a slogan used often on their tees) with plenty of more feminine options for boys to rock as well.

Anyone else have a favorite kid's clothing brand that crosses those gender lines? Leave it in the comments and I'll add it to my list!